adoptee remembrance day (2025)
the wound is relinquishment. the cover-up is adoption.
notes
field notes from the middle of life: thinking, memory, meaning, and the slow work of making things livable.
the first time i read john macarthur
a teenage me sent away for “free christian stuff.” one envelope taught me how blunt some theology can be
thirty-three ninety-five
rain on glass, a rental container, and the difference between being held and being held well.
inside myself
rest is allowed and i can move like fog. learning to like the small fires that stay.
internal audit
catching myself diluting anger - softening language, second-guessing, and choosing not to.
the night i got told to run at a revival barn
summer 2018 i was staying for free in the house beside a small ministry, listened to charismatic teaching all day, felt “sent,” drove out past the river to a saturday-night service, and a visiting prophet with an eye patch made me run in front of everyone.
underground church
a youth-group “game” designed to teach loyalty through fear. not play. it was training.
adoptee remembrance day (2022)
a short note for adoptee remembrance day 2022, with a content note and resources.
conditional “freedom” isn’t freedom
why the “you’re free to do X” script isn’t freedom: lawmaking, supremacy, and conditional love.
hit delete
i covered a shame tool with the second half logo. i don’t delete my life anymore.
rapture notes, age 11
at eleven, i filled my bible with rapture warnings: blood seas, 135-lb hail, “we then fight the devil.” this is what i was taught, and why it still bothers me.