notes
not yet
keep telling yourself the truth notice what you notice let things become clear let reality correct you
notes
deconstruction, aftermath, music thoughts, systems, and observations.
notes
jarvis i
high ceilings. arched windows. single panes that let the weekend in.
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the default setting
spirit led often means ear led. here’s what that did to my taste 👅
relinquishment
adoptee remembrance day (2025)
the wound is relinquishment. the cover-up is adoption.
notes
the first time i read john macarthur
a teenage me sent away for “free christian stuff.” one envelope taught me how blunt some theology can be
notes
processed pain to make it holy
kept trying to make it mean something
notes
thirty-three ninety-five
rain on glass, a rental container, and the difference between being held and being held well.
notes
inside myself
rest is allowed and i can move like fog. learning to like the small fires that stay.
notes
protection
they’ve always been trying
notes
internal audit
catching myself diluting anger - softening language, second-guessing, and choosing not to.
the night i got told to run at a revival barn
summer 2018, felt “sent,” drove past the river to a saturday-night revival service, & got yelled at by a visiting prophet with an eye patch.
religious-trauma
underground church
a youth-group “game” designed to teach loyalty through fear. not play. it was training.