second half - album
11 songs from the “second half” of my life - leaving church, finding myself, and queer joy. stream, read the notes, and subscribe.
released june 10, 2022. 11 songs from the “second half” of my life - marks the pivot after leaving ministry + faith, re-learning myself, and starting to build something new. these songs live in that turn - loss, untangling, choosing self, queer joy, and the good kind of honesty.
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about the record
i became a super-committed christian at 12, went to bible college, and worked in full-time ministry - until 2021, when i left ministry, the church, and christianity. i felt lost, like the world around me collapsed. someone told me, “you’re in the second half of your life now,” and that tiny sentence became a light to follow. these songs live in that turn - loss, rebuilding, queer joy, and the good kind of honesty.
credits
written, performed & produced by: tot
mixing & mastering: benny silver (@bennysilverr)
additional musicians
- i know - session drums: scott dincorn · lead electric: brett laidlaw · keys/bass/rhythm electric: adam dincorn · bgv: rachelle legere
- incomplete - session drums: scott dincorn · keys/bass/electric: adam dincorn · bgv: rachelle legere
- happy - spoken word: jason normore · additional voices: friends & fam
- made it - co-written with rachelle legere · lead vocal: rachelle legere
recorded: saint john, nb (2021-2022)
officially released: june 10, 2022 (may 25 on bandcamp)
track notes
1) future thinker - learning to trust the future because my person is in it; choosing love over old patterns of running - read the full song story.
2) tell ur friends - cutting conditional love & outside agendas; pledging allegiance to myself.
3) get (tf) out - a goodbye to church/god/ministry as the “you” that kept me small.
4) i know - unlearning “never trust yourself” and reclaiming intuition.
5) wayward - becoming “hard to control” is just… autonomy; going my own way.
6) better - a love song; choosing queer joy over the systems jesus represented to me.
7) didn’t know me then - compassion for the old me while owning harm; recorded in a bathroom.
8) happy (ft. jason normore) - happiness isn’t frivolous; it’s the point. Beck + Jason’s words helped me say it.
9) stuck - perfectionism, control, and pastors who kept me “striving”; choosing freedom.
10) made it (ft. rachelle legere) - quitting as liberation; dwelling in questions.
11) incomplete - love that makes everything feel more alive and brave.
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